Across the Universe, A Mega Review

Is it even debatable that The Beatles have directly and indirectly affected the landscape of popular (western) music? Personally, I grew up in a house where the singer-songwriters of the 60s and 70s were always playing, but I also grew up with a healthy respect for The Beatles and their music.

It was a little bit of everything, really...from the youthful happiness of "I Want to Hold Your Hand" to the hardened angst of "Happiness is a Warm Gun"...to most everything in between.

Well, a generation that may not have a direct understanding of The Beatles' effect on our society get to see it in this stylized musical, Across the Universe. Set in Liverpool, New Jersey, and New York, the music of The Beatles provides the backdrop for a story of friendship, love, loss, war, art, and the Sixties.

At the center of this amiable, colorful story are Jude (Jim Sturgess), a Liverpudlian laborer turned artist, and Lucy (Evan Rachel Wood), an upper-class American girl turned radical activist, living in a love story wrapped in music. From the very beginning, the music of The Beatles augments their story, introducing new characters, developing the plot, and providing a meaningful look into the heart of what might otherwise be a fairly banal story.

Let's face it, we've seen it before. Disenchanted worker leaves for far-away land to find his father and himself. Boy meets guy. Guys become pals. Guy's sister meets boy. Boy and Girl fall in love in a somewhat roundabout way. During and following, they meet a varied group of artist friends...and then misunderstandings send things straight to Hell. And of course, misunderstandings are set aside, and Love Conquers All.

Sound formulaic enough? On one level, it is. Enter the music that changed popular music, and you now have a story that resonates.

For me, a quality that can transform a good story into a great one, besides innovation, is a stellar ensemble cast. Across the Universe delivers. The supporting cast shines with standout performances by Dana Fuchs and Martin Luther (no, not that one!) as the Janis Joplin/Jimi Hendrix-esque singer/guitarist who weave in and out of the story, singing fantastic Beatles tunes while creating several memorable moments. Even the cameos are magnificent! Funnyman Eddie Izzard turns in a trippy verson of "Being For The Benefit Of Mr. Kite," and Joe Cocker, that legendary rock crooner with the sandpaper sound plays multiple New York street creatures during a memorable "Come Together" sequence.

But, of course, a great ensemble can only account for so much if the center of the cast is lacking. Fortunately, in this case, we need not worry. Jim Sturgess turns in a shockingly fine performance as Jude--I really had no idea how well this fellow could sing, and he really doesn't disappoint at any point of this movie. Evan Rachel Wood also turns in a strong performance, although her main charm lies in her "everygirl" appeal. She has a beautiful voice as well, but in contrast with Dana Fuchs soulful growl, it lacks a little body to it that would be fantastic. Don't get me wrong--it's appropriate and it really is very nice. The core ensemble is rounded out by Max (Joe Anderson), the preppy bad boy turned bohemian turned soldier turned Vietnam vet. He has another solid voice. Perhaps not quite as memorable as Sturgess (hey, a little something is lost without that British dialect in the Beatles' tunes) but nevertheless, quite skillful. His is a charming performance, but he breaks out into "memorable" with his rendering of the classic hit "Hey Jude."

Well, that was a mouthful. So, friends, it's pretty obvious that I want you to go out and see this movie. As a matter of fact, I want to know what you think of it! Today I was quite into the performances and have neglected to mention Julie Taymor's fantastic directing and choreography...but now I just did, so no worries! It really is a visually beautiful film, but to be honest, the music is what I'm all about.

So, Beatlemaniacs, turn it on and be transported...and non-Beatlemaniacs...I'm very sorry, but if this story resonates in you like it did in me, you won't be a non-Beatlemaniac for long!

The Best of the Status of Ben Dawkins

Here it is folks, a greatest hits post! For the past year or so, the status update has been one of my favorite outlets for my bizarre musings. As this blog is dedicated to just that, I thought I would post some of my favorites from days, weeks, and months past. Here are the criteria...I liked it, others liked it...and/or it sparked a lengthy discussion of some sort.

Here goes (starting from the most recent):

Ben Dawkins is doing what he does every Friday night: ridin' around in the Mirthmobile, singing "Bohemian Rhapsody." Party on!

Ben Dawkins was just shut down by a bunch of Teamsters. They didn't say why.

Do sumo wrestlers get to write off ice cream as a business expense?

"The greatest thing about Facebook is that you can quote someone and totally make up the source." --Franklin D. Roosevelt

Remember when Tom Cruise was scary because he was a vampire and not because he was Tom Cruise?

As a 10-year-old, Ben Dawkins learned an important lesson when he saw Back to the Future part 3 before seeing the other two films. Lesson 1: Start getting used to confusion. Lesson 2: Try to get info in the order which it was meant to be received. Lesson 3: Pie tins make great frisbees.

Seen *carved* into a restroom stall today..."Don't carve your initials into things that do not belong to you."

So, I saw a snuggie ad recently and wondered, "How long was it before the snuggie-clad family at the sporting event got beaten up by drunken hooligans?" I'm thinking...not very long.

(in Jerry Seinfeld voice) : "What's the deal with guys in capri pants?"

When I feel depressed by the state of the world, I give myself a boost by putting on my nicest suit, heading into a heavily populated area, and asking perfect strangers to do preposterous things for a Klondike bar.

Too much Ha Ha, pretty soon Boo Hoo!

In the first hour of the last day of his Twenty-Sixth year, a toilet tank exploded in Ben Dawkins's face. A fitting adieu for a pretty rough year.

Ben Dawkins?!?!?!?!!!!! The same Ben Dawkins who saved the world from the alien pirate ninja invasion?!?!?!!!

Ben Dawkins is teaching small children why pattycake is an elitist, elitist game designed to keep the working class in line. Faster, plebe! Make the cake faster! Sowing dissention, as per usual.

Ben Dawkins is going swimming in a wetsuit made out of the ShamWow. Don't dive in after me or you could get seriously injured in the empty pool. The ShamWow...You'll say "Wow" every time!

On this solemn occasion it is important to take a moment of silence, for the Beastie Boys fought, and perhaps died, for your right to party.

(I recently saw this on a customizable pet shop sign--on 3 separate lines--no spaces) Live Bait Pomeranians

"Give me ambiguity, or give me something else."

Ever notice no one ever calls to tell someone the good things he did last night while he was drunk? "Hey Ben, you got ripped last night and painted the orphanage!"

Ben Dawkins thinks it's amusing that Paul Newman could make salad dressing look cool. I don't think any of the current A-listers could do that. Would you buy "Matt Damon's Own" salad dressing? No. You'd steal his lunch money.

Ben Dawkins appreciates your right to ironic and somewhat hollow assembly, but please, don't waste tea.

Ben Dawkins is [this comment has been removed due to legal action by the Church of Scientology]

Ben Dawkins is brought to you by the letters W, T, and F.

Ben Dawkins wonders, "Wouldn't they be Thirtysomething Mutant Ninja Turtles by now?" That would bring a whole new element to the movies...

Ben Dawkins doesn't roll on Shabbas.

Ben Dawkins believes whenever you hear the words "We specialize in customer service!"--be prepared for some major league BS.

Ben Dawkins spelled out his last name to the valet at the Hyatt...the claim ticket read "Dawlginks." Hmmm....

Ben Dawkins is vexed, riled, irked, ticked, honked, and pissed.

Ben Dawkins wonders about the Peanuts gang...How (with the exception of school) did a group of six-year-olds go for so long with absolutely NO adult supervision?


And now, for the no. 1 track--Ben's flip response to the "25 random facts" meme:

1. Ben Dawkins can slam a revolving door.
2. Ben Dawkins counted to infinity...twice...yesterday.
3. Ben Dawkins can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.
4. Ben Dawkins knows the final digit of pi.
5. Ben Dawkins doesn't wear a watch. HE decides what time it is.
6. Ben Dawkins can win a game of connect four in three moves.
7. If you spell Ben Dawkins in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
7. When Ben Dawkins falls in water, Ben Dawkins doesn't get wet. Water gets Ben Dawkins.
8. Ben Dawkins is allowed to use the number 7 twice in lists. Try and stop him.
9. When taking the SAT, if you enter "Ben Dawkins" for every answer, you will get an 8000. If you do this for the GRE, you are awarded an instant phD in Awesome.
10. Ben Dawkins once ordered a Big Mac at Burger King...and got one.
11. It takes Ben Dawkins 20 minutes to watch 60 minutes.
12. Thousands of years ago Ben Dawkins came across a bear. It was so terrified that it fled north into the arctic. It was also so terrified that all of its decendents now have white hair.
13. Simply by pulling on both ends, Ben Dawkins can stretch diamonds back into coal.
14. Ben Dawkins did in fact, build Rome in a day.
15. Ben Dawkins is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
16. Ben Dawkins once went skydiving, but promised never to do it again. One Grand Canyon is enough.
17. Ben Dawkins can win at solitaire with only 18 cards.
18. When Ben Dawkins does division, there are no remainders.
19. To be or not to be? That is the question. The answer? Ben Dawkins.
20. The First rule of Ben Dawkins is: you do not talk about Ben Dawkins.
21. Ben Dawkins rinses his contact lenses in Tabasco sauce.
22. Godzilla is a Japanese rendition of Ben Dawkins' first visit to Tokyo.
23. Ben Dawkins once participated in the running of the bulls. He walked.
24. Only Ben Dawkins can prevent forest fires.
25. When Chuck Norris goes to sleep at night, he checks under his bed for Ben Dawkins.

Political Pet Peeve

Editor's Note: I am not going to make this a political rant of raw, epic anger. I promise. There is an issue that I feel very strongly about right now, and I thought I'd take a moment to address it. Please don't set fire to my house.

So, friends, it is a politically hot time right now. If we're being honest, it's been a politically hot time for about 8 years exactly (once this Friday rolls around). One thing that has gotten scary about the political landscape is the increasingly personal nature of the rhetoric--with both sides of the aisle demonizing one another and giving the general perspective to the American people that these differences are going to pull us apart.

I think this unnecessary drama needs to stop. Pronto.

America is filled with many people of differing backgrounds and opinions, and that is what I love about this country. We don't have to agree--in fact, it's great that we don't. Personally, I love it when an intelligent person disagrees with me. If we meet on a polite debating ground, we both come away having learned something. Even with differing perspectives, there are precious acres of common ground we must find together.

The politics of invective must end. I'm sorry, but I can not respect the views of those who have no apparent respect for others thoughts or their right to think them. That is not democracy. I'm actually in favor of partisan politics--political parties are good! A multiple-party system makes sure that the minority's opinion is always heard. And as a lifelong holder of minority opinions, I appreciate that.

However, there has to be a firm base-line of respect. There has to be.

So, my political pet peeve:

I don't care what your opinion of President Obama is. I really don't. He is our president, and we as Americans should respect the highest elected office a person can attain in this country. If you disagree with his policies or viewpoint, that is your undisputed right. But, please show respect for the office. Don't refer to him as Obama--it is disrespectful. Don't refer to him as "that man"...that is disrespectful and ridiculous. To be quite honest, I disagreed with most of President Bush's positions, and I was outright enraged by some of his actions. But, I referred to him as President Bush because I think the debate platform should have some class...especially in today's climate. I respect the office, and frankly, any person who attains this great office deserves my respect. It's a tremendous accomplishment, one worthy of respect.

Are you worried about what messages your children are being given at school and in the media? Fine...there's plenty out there to worry about. However, a child that is raised in a house where respect is a valued attribute learns to respect others. That is an important step in making our future better for those who are to follow.

And just to set the record straight, I am not a Communist, despite what some of you have said to my face. Ridiculous. I am an American, a Democrat, and a patriot. I love this country that allows me to reach the greatest of my potential, and I will defend her dignity against those who say she is dying. The debate may be full of invective, but God willing, our union will remain strong.

God bless you, and God Bless America.

Babies = Vegetables?

Okay, here's a little weird factoid that I felt the pressing need to share:

Like I've mentioned in an earlier post, a few of my friends are expecting little bundles of life in short order. Well, because of this, I have become much more acquainted with the modern prenatal process than I was before--ultrasounds, midwives, doulas, What to Expect when You're Expecting, the kabillion types of nausea expectant mothers deal with, and so on and so on.

Well, this post deals with one of the stranger ones, and my response.

Apparently, doctors describe the size of developing babies based on different beans and eventually vegetables to give a proper reference point to the expectant parents.

Now, people have mentioned it to me with great excitement..."the baby is the size of a kidney bean!" And, surprisingly (to me, and probably only me because I seem to be one of the few people who asks questions like these), there are no mentions of how surreal it is that OB-GYNs are using vegetation to describe human beings.

And now for my idea...drumroll please...

I think one odd-enough couple expecting a baby should take a series of "baby's first pictures" with the different beans and vegetables that the doctors are using to describe the relative size of the baby.

Think about it! In this age of instant photography, it would be a real piece of postmodern art! Dress up the little veggie, and stage posed pictures with big happy smiles...It would be damn funny!

Of course, every couple I've presented this idea to has looked at me like I was some sort of lunatic. No one seems to want to take baby pictures with a bunch of vegetables. Now, come on, imagine some sullen 16 or 17 year old coming across a little photo album entitled "Baby's First Pictures" and sees a bunch of pictures of the parents he thinks are chronically unhip smiling joyfully with a bunch of vegetables.

I like imagining things like that.

So, since people seem to think this idea is a little too wacky for them, I'm just going to have to wait until it's my turn to wait for a child to "hatch." Mark my words, (if I can convince the future mother of my children this is a good idea) there will be vegetable baby pictures.

And you won't be at all surprised that my grin will be quite genuine!

Much Maligned Movie Mega Review: The Postman

(Acknowledgements: Here's a little shout-out to Greg Smith, whose Mighty Mini Movie Reviews gave me the idea to take aim at an epic treatment of one of my favorites. I've linked to his blog, Shrink Rapping on the left side of your screen. Go visit him!)

In the year of our Lord 1997, a terrible cinematic travesty was perpetrated…In that blockbuster summer, one of the most terrible trailers of all time was played before every major release. The trailer presented a film that seemed to be an homage to the bravery of postal carriers. Only in passing was the actual point of the movie presented in its trailer. In fact, it was as if only the cheesiest of this movies lines were presented in its trailer. The only way this film could have been presented as less interesting to the American public would have been if the trailer had expounded on the rugged bravery of dental technicians and the value of clean teeth as a stand against tyranny. The Hygienist.

The result: No one came. Total box office: 17 Million. Production Budget: 80 Million. Conclusion: OUCH

Before returning to The Postman, let me first take a moment to expound on the importance of trailers. From 45 second teasers to 3 minute miniature stories, the trailer HAS to bring you in. Nowadays, most movies cost far too much to risk driving people away. In fact, a mediocre to bad movie can have box office success thanks to a solid trailer. Remember Unbreakable? Easily one of the most incredible trailers that I have seen. In fact, M. Night Shyamalan is a trailer artist—and in this case, the movie he made was not so great. Of course, following The Sixth Sense, he was really going to have to make a statement. Instead, he fell into the infamous sophomore slump, and since we still go see his movies, has obviously overcome his grief. Another great trailer, Cloverfield. This was simplicity itself. I didn’t like the movie much…but I went. Finally, to bring the story up to date, the best trailer I’ve seen so far was for District 9. Youtube it…absolutely fantastic. Of course, I went. Now, some people didn’t like this movie, but I absolutely loved it. And if it weren’t for the trailer, I might never have seen it. The fact of the matter is, I’m a home theatre viewer. I love my movie collection. In fact, it is a rare occurrence that I actually go to the theatres. Why? Because I’ve become a bit of a bargain shopper when it comes to DVDs…nowadays you need a financial aid application to go to the movie theatre. Why not wait 4 months for the DVD to come out and enjoy it in my own home rather than risk sitting behind TALL GUY (again), trying to look around his girlfriend’s gigantic feathered hair so I can see what Optimus Prime is doing.

Okay…first rant over, back to The Postman:

In the not-so-distant year 2013, America has been destroyed by war, plague, and tyranny. What was one the United States has now been replaced by a feudal state of individual towns ravaged by a marauding army known as the Holnists.

We are introduced to a drifter (Costner), who avoids contact with civilization except to perform Shakespeare for food. Enter the Holnist army, led by Gen. Bethlehem (Will Patton), who order that 3 conscripts of “suitable ethnic foundation” be presented to join the army. The drifter is forced to join, and is introduced first-hand to the fascist system of the Holnist army.
Following a sequence showing the indoctrination of the new conscripts, the drifter escapes the Holnists. Starved, cold, and desperate, he finds shelter in an abandoned postal truck. Reading through the dead postman’s mail, he gets the idea to dress up as a postman as a way to hustle food.

When he arrives at the town of Pineview, Oregon, the Postman’s scheme yields unexpected fruit: Hope. The belief that there is still a United States and that the people they love are still alive, the citizens of Pineview stand up to Bethlehem, with disastrous results which wound the Postman and he is cared for by his love interest Abby (Olivia Williams), who sought the Postman as a “surrogate” for her husband, who illness made impotent. Their escape and the Postman’s healing time carries them through the winter.

By the time they return, everything has changed in Oregon. The Postman’s overzealous convert Ford Lincoln Mercury (Larenz Tate), has built the “Postal Service of the Restored United States” into a paramilitary organization who delivers the mail and defies the Holnists. With the Postman returned, Bethlehem declares war. The Postman must now rally the individual towns under one banner to fight for the most basic ideals of freedom in a time that has forgotten them.
Interesting, yes?

Well, I’ve left quite a bit out so that you can make plenty of judgments for yourself, but here’s my take on The Postman:

Given, this movie is at times, quite cheesy. But, let’s face it, American public, our whole entertainment industry is build on a massive block of cheese. I think it’s altogether possible that the American public has gotten a little too jaded for its own good.

First of all, after Waterworld, cinema critics were out for Kevin Costner’s blood. He could’ve made Citizen Kane and they would’ve given it the treatment pigeons give to statues. I’ll admit, his cinematic offerings are more than a little bit egotistical. But, once again, we’re living in a culture that celebrates egotism. Perhaps Mr. Costner was a little more up front about it than most. The reluctant hero story is not a new one, and in reality, this isn’t a particularly new way to tell this story.

The bottom line is this, America. The Postman is an entertaining evening at the movies. Yes, it’s 3 hours long. Yes, it’s a little pedantic at times, but it’s a worthwhile story with worthwhile sentiments… especially since we seem to be having major problems finding common ground as Americans these days.

A post-apocalyptic story is a difficult one to tell, and this one is fairly successful. Yes, 2013 is right around the corner, and we haven’t had the major war that this story forecasts. Let’s face it, I was 2 years old in 1984, and the fabric of freedom didn’t rip to shreds then, either. No, it’s not particularly believable, but since when have we become so jaded that we couldn’t enjoy a fun story.

Beyond the epic scope and the even-more epic historic failing of this movie, The Postman gives us many charming moments that are worth mentioning. The subtle hints that even the Holnists are tired of all the fighting…so tired, in fact, that the only entertainment they want in their camp is to watch an old reel of The Sound of Music over and over again. Kevin Costner gives us the hero portrayal we came to expect from him in Dances with Wolves, Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves, and Waterworld. It may be cliché, but it’s a solid job. Will Patton’s performance as the histrionic despot Bethlehem is laudable as well. Larenz Tate turns in a stand-out performance as an actor that unfortunately hasn’t been given his due at this point.

So, what’s the point? This is NOT the worst movie ever made, as it has been called. It’s not that bad at all. In fact, it’s quite entertaining. I’m one of the few who saw this movie in the theatre…I enjoyed it then, and I enjoy it now. It has been in my massive DVD collection for about 5 years, and I’ve watched it several times and shown it to several friends who all enjoyed it themselves. And although this review is in many ways incomplete...I'm just going to say this. Watch it, and make up your own mind. It may not be your cup of tea, but at least you'll be plugged into the process, unlike the millions of viewers who were swayed by a dozen film critics and without having seen this movie call it "the worst ever made."

The point is this…there’s nothing wrong with cheese. Once hope is drained from our cinema, it won’t be worth a penny, much less the millions of dollars it seems are “necessary” to make movies these days. We are surrounded by torture movies and remakes of movies that didn’t need to be remade at all. I know I'm not the only one who is frustrated by this.

I love the movies, dear readers. And I don’t think movies have to make some sweeping social change to be memorable. Besides...haven't you ever watched a bad movie simply because it's failings were entertaining in and of themselves? All I’m asking is: Entertain Me! Tell me a story; take me out of the world for a while. And while I’m waiting for new movies to meet this challenge, I’ll watch the many, many movies that already have. And critics aren’t going to tell me what to watch and what is good.

I can think for myself, and so can anyone else who is willing.

Cheers and enjoy, friends. Let’s go to the movies.

Concert(s) review: Antsy McClain and the Trailer Park Troubadours

The band's name itself caught your eye, didn't it?

Well, two weekends ago, I had the enormous pleasure to see this fantastic band in concert two nights in a row--in Newton, NC and at Lenoir Rhyne college. And I'm here to tell you, these guys put on a tremendous show.

Led by Antsy McClain, the purple suit-wearing, pompadour-stylin', leg twitchin', joke tellin' ringmaster, the Trailer Park Troubadours set the stage for an evening of fun and music in the simple innocent background of the trailer park of Antsy's youth, Pineview Heights.

Antsy's songs radiate from the heart of Americana, a hopeful, true-to-life, funny, and at times poignant background that bursts from the musical palette and hits home hard...and permanently.

Supported by a loyal following of fans--the Flamingoheads, Antsy bounces across the stage for three hours of music, stories, and laughter. The music is also supported by a slideshow that runs behind the action for the duration of the show, enhancing some of his songs, and at times bringing even more levity to the show by displaying some laugh-out-loud advertisements such as "Mabel's Bait Shack and Sushi Bar...Follow your nose!" and "Antoine's Comb-over Barn." As something of an authority on funny...only those with an absolute lack of humor will be able to keep from laughing during this show.

The true stars of the show, however, are the songs. From the amusing story songs such as "I was just flipped off by a silver-haird old lady with a honk if you love Jesus sticker on the bumper of her car" to ballads such as "Falling in Love in America," Antsy's songs are well-written, clever, heartfelt, and just plain inspired.

I can't recommend these guys enough--give them a listen on youtube or visit their website at www.unhitched.com.

Enjoy the ride!

And Things We're All Too Young to Know...

So, I know it's been a good long time since I've written anything here. I could spout off several of the standby "I've been busy excuses" and follow them up with some actual examples of how jam-packed things have been since I wrote about being a child and speaking for the trees.

The simple fact of the matter is this: I've been looking for a way to write what I've been experiencing and asking myself lately, and I've drawn a complete blank. Sometimes, there's plenty of ink, but the shapes you scratch it into just don't get the point across.

Then, last night at around 2am, I had a "moment of inspiration." After my directing gig, I've spent a lot of time unwinding and getting my brain cleared of constant bombarding with information, decisions, and plans...doing my favorite things: listening to music, watching movies, reading, looking for beautiful and meaningful things. Well, last night, I heard a song that released the flood of dammed ideas that I had been reaching for.

Allow me to suggest a thought to you for a moment: Think of some of your favorite songs. Not just songs whose tune you like that you can't quite get out of your head once they're there; no, those songs that defined moments of your life...songs that touched you deeply. Can you remember where you first heard them? Under what circumstances? Perhaps it was in a movie or television show...perhaps you heard snippets of it over the radio...or maybe you heard it live. However this took place, I imagine that you will find yourself able to recreate that scenario fairly faithfully in your mind's eye. Because music is such a joyful constant in my life, I have many moments like these. And in many cases, I could describe the impact to you, but in this case, I won't--not because it would cheapen it, but because I don't want to define this experience for you the way it is for me...because it's yours. You get to define it.

So, in my life many things are steadily changing. I'm getting older, obviously, but the circumstances of my life and those around me have been changing imperceptibly over the course of about 5 years that I barely recognize the old for the new in life around me. The things that once mattered so much are barely mentioned, and things that I had little knowledge of now consume my daily life and define the next steps. This appears to be true of everyone around me.

I think the most obvious example of all of this is the diverging pathways the friends in my life are taking. Many have married; some have children, and some still are in that blissful, exciting, scary, glorious stage of expecting their first child (or in some cases, grandchild). I find it awesome (and note that I'm using the word the way it was meant to be used...I am in true awe and wonder by this series of events) that my generation is birthing and raising the next generation. We are in the process of contributing our verses to the epic poem that is the Family of Man. I can't sufficiently describe the feeling. But I do know this--in my lifetime I have seen some amazing things, and before I die, I know I will see even more. But, even as a young man, I know that no man-made wonder will leave me quite as awestruck as seeing the breathing, moving being that was conceived and born by those I care about.

It's funny sometimes that we lament how ordinary our lives are--how mundane--how normal. Consider this--the simple fact that you are alive right now in the circumstances that you are in is about as statistically impossible as any great miracle. Genetic material too complex to properly number came together to create every detail that is you, and since then, every choice that you have made has in some way nudged you towards the life you are living right now.

It defies all odds that we know the people we know.

It is beyond all probability that our lives are what they are.

Those who are not members of our genetic family probably came into our lives by some small decision which led to another, which led to another, which at some point was a large decision, and then here we are. A single decision with a separate outcome might have completely altered a significant relationship.

I have mentioned in the past how it makes me somewhat sad that those who were closest to me at certain points of my life have fallen fairly out of touch at some point or another. Yes, it is true that there are some points in my life that I wish I could bottle and relive whenever I like. Perfect days--terrible, wonderful...all of them. And in a way, I can. I've been blessed with the kind of memory that can draw back to myself those days where all was beautiful and easy.

But as of late, I'm less saddened that those closest to me have lost touch a bit. They are not forgotten, and they are not gone. What's happened instead is that their dance has led them to points where the things that we agonized over are not so important (just like in my life), and new priorities have given way. They are husbands, wives, mothers, fathers, doctors, lawyers, teachers, soldiers, engineers.

Although I want very much to experience my life with all those who made it what it is, I am wildly happy that they are able to experience exciting new avenues in their own lives. And if not having the time to always keep in the closest touch with me allows them in some small way to expand their own life experiences, I am perfectly contented with that. Each of these people, although many are not blood-related, are my family. Nothing in the world can undo that, and I know that being a little out of touch isn't the worst thing, because it is by no means a permanent circumstance. For me, there is always great joy in just seeing the people who I care so deeply for--even for a few minutes. I don't hurt so much because I see in them a bit of the same realization (whether conscious or not) that there is great value in moving onward--and great value in occasionally looking back.

I'm thankful that God has seen fit to defy all probability in making my life what it is. I know that it is, in its way, a miracle that it happened at all. I would not change a decision, foolish or wise, and I would not erase a single person, no matter how much their presence may have slowed what I perceived to be my progress. It's all working out--and it's all well-ordered, and in its way...perfect.

So, when I get tangled up, I'll tango on. And I'm sure, from time to time, I'll see you there.

I sure hope so.

Dr. Seuss on Revising Collegiate Essays--a spoof.

So, recently I've been on a "childhood throwback" kick. Specifically speaking, I've been re-engaging the part of my brain which used to run around constantly as a little kid repeating and repeating the immortal words of Theodore Geisel, better known as Dr. Seuss. I'd particularly enjoyed rediscovering my favorite...The Lorax. Well, on a whim, I decided to be a wiseass and change my FB profile picture to a portrait of the Lorax standing on a stump--complete with status update: "Ben Dawkins is the Lorax...He speaks for the trees."









Well, in order to find said Lorax portrait, I used GoogleImage search, which by the by, is awesome. When I found my perfect picture:

Well, in order to save this picture, I was taken to a webpage belonging to Jay Wentworth, an interdisciplinary professor at Appalachian State and a scholar of the Beat Generation. Attached to this webpage was a spoof based on the Lorax. It's nowhere near as long, but it's a funny little poem that made me laugh about all of the English teachers I had in school and how crazy revision made me.

Here it is:

He was shortish.

And oldish.

And brownish.

And mossy.

And he spoke with a voice that was sharpish and bossy.

"Mister!" he said with a sawdusty sneeze,

"I am the Wentworth. I speak for the Beats. I speak for the Beats, for the Beats are old or dead.

And I'm asking you, sir, by the skin on my head--

he was very upset and he shouted and puffed--

"Do this paper over for this draft is too rough!"

And then I got mad. I got terribly mad.

I yelled at the Wentworth, "Now listen here, Dad!

All you do is yap-yap and say, 'Bad! Bad! Bad! Bad!'

Well, I have my rights, sir, and

I'm telling you I intend to go on doing just what I do!

And, for your information, you Wentworth, I'm figgering on writering
and WRITERING
and WRITERING
and WRITERING,

turning out MORE Papers just like this one and when I finish it, it's going to be DONE!"

The Wentworth said nothing. Just gave me a glance... just gave me a very sad, sad backward glance...

as he lifted himself by the seat of his pants.

And I'll never forget the grim look on his face when he heisted himself and took leave of

this place through the door to his office, without leaving a trace.

And all that the Wentworth left here in this mess was a small scratch of writing, with one word...

Whatever that meant, well, I just couldn't guess. That was long , long ago

But each day since that day

I've sat here and worried and worried away.

Through the years, while my books have fallen apart,

I've worried about it with all of my heart.

"But now ," says the Soph-mler,

"Now that you're here, the word of the Wentworth seems perfectly clear.

UNLESS I care, care about my Paper a whole lot,

I'm not going to write better. I'm not."

"SO... write your papers over. Write your pen dry.

Create multiple drafts and work til you cry.

Invest no ego and don't shy away from teachers that hack.

Then the Wentworth and all his Beat buddies may all come back."

Note: Apologies to Dr. Suess © Copyright 1997 Alex Howard

That's right, kids...it's a Crime Drama!

So, if you're going to watch TV these days and actually see programming that isn't a silly reality show playing out some ridiculous concept, you're going to be picking and choosing from a lot of crime and medical dramas.

Now, don't get me wrong, I love a good crime or medical drama. The reason they're so popular is because drama is built naturally into the situation. Life, death, freedom, serial murderers...this is why it's all you hear on the news. Unfortunately in today's society, humanitarian efforts and the ordinary but commendable achievements of normal citizens aren't considered particularly newsworthy.

Which brings me to a few issues with the crime drama:

First of all, the flagging marriage. I know it's a tough job (and marital problems are also drama-making), but wouldn't it be TEN TIMES HARDER to have a well-adjusted, happily married detective who is actually succeeding at making it all work. Wouldn't it make his detective work a little harder and perhaps create some tension at the workplace if the hero wasn't willing to just drop anything and everything and ignore everyone he cares for to solve a case?

Here's another: cops hanging out at a diner, getting the call, and rushing out to their cars. I'm sure this is a little slice of real life, but it's been cliché since Chips. I mean, really! I think the directors for that show wanted at least one shot in every episode where a motorcycle is driven quickly out of a gravel parking lot sending dust and rocks everywhere.

This one has become really common thanks to CSI and it's children. The Morgue. There are two things about the morgue I'd like to comment on. First, newbie in the morgue. This can play out one of two ways. First, he gets sick. Yes, we know that this happens. It isn't particularly interesting, and if you're going to waste 18 minutes of my television hour with commercials, let's just assume I know that sometimes, people get sick when they're first exposed to autopsies. Second, it seems that the coroner in a lot of these dramas has been plucked right out of James Bond. He stands there smugly and unravels THE ENTIRE PLOT! This always makes me laugh because I'm expecting the body to escape from the sharks with the laser beams on their foreheads and foil the evil coroner's plan of world domination. Another similar issue: cops and doctors. It goes one of two ways...in medical dramas, cops give just enough information to develop the plot and then keep out of the way. In police dramas, it's basically the opposite. I know a few cops, and they have some pretty strong opinions about the physical state of some of the victims...they seem to be prone to argument to me! And the paramedics and EMTs I know have told me many stories where they have gotten into it with police officers at crime scenes. More drama? Perhaps, but we don't see it developed all that much.

Good Cop, Bad Cop...Is there anyone who doesn't understand this? Good! Then let's have something different in the interrogation room. How about two good cops? That would be more difficult to pull off. Suspect tries to manipulate two good cops but because they are also good cops as well as being "non macho jackasses," they use psychology to get the information they need. There's some of this going on in The Mentalist, which, by the by, is an interesting new crime drama. Monk works better for me in the "ridiculously observant" department, but having a protagonist who used to pretend to be a psychic isn't half-bad. Another take on this issue: How about bad cop/bad cop? This has to happen...probably more often than we'd like to think. There's some of this stuff going on in movies, but it's gone out of the forefront a bit. Why not bring it back? It gives us the opportunity to show out hero's moral fortitude when he yells at the bad/bad team who just beat a confession out of some lowlife that "This is not the way we do things!"

And now, lawyers. I'm sure there have to be criminal defense lawyers who aren't slick-haired evil faced shysters. There HAVE TO BE! I roll my eyes every time I see the suave defense lawyer spouting the same script every time "My client has no comment...blah, blah, blah...you shouldn't have talked to my client without me present...blah, blah, blah." Why not a lawyer on a cop drama who is an advocate for his client? Like he's supposed to be! I understand that we only really see the chase and the collar in most crime dramas, except L&O.

Speaking of chases...car chases. These are especially overplayed in crime drama movies, but I know there has to be a more interesting way to do this. They're driving fast...I get it. Innocent people could get hurt...I get it.

And finally, my favorite crime drama cliché...When the plot starts to suck, send in somebody with a gun. The shootout is just as overplayed as the car chase, and the main reason, I think, is that we are very rarely personally invested in all of the people involved in the shootout. With the proliferation of special PI and CSI types as the main characters, the actual action of police work is left to subordinate characters who in all honesty, we really don't know that well. So, we end up with another shoot out...perhaps one of the good guys gets shot...in the shoulder. And finally, the baddies either get shot in the chest or tackled in some way by the protagonist (who's not supposed to get involved in the shootout, btw...due to being completely underqualified and typically...NOT ALLOWED TO) and ends up being taken away with no more than a few scrapes.


But of course, it's important to remember...there are only so many ways to tell a story, so it becomes VERY VERY difficult to avoid situations like these. But, perhaps, since there are teams of writers involved in the production of these programs...they should try a lot harder. Once the general public gets tired of medical and cop dramas...then reality shows will continue to encroach. That nonsense has to stop. I don't care who ends up with the Bachelor. I don't care if Debbie decides to eat the really big bug. Give us more exciting, well-written TV. We have to have something better to talk about around the water cooler than the lastest Idol cut.


TUNE OF THE DAY:

Rockapella - Where in the World is Carmen San Diego?

Monday through Friday at 5...I was introduced to the fun of the mystery by Carmen San Diego. I was always pulling for those kids. They never seemed to be able to find Tanzania on that big map of Africa, though. Watch your back--any super criminal who "stole the beans from Lima" has to be followed closely.

Lost in Translation, or "But some fear thing after death"

As I get older, my humor seems to be getting more and more absurd. I'm sure many of you will agree. I was sitting in the coffeehouse yesterday playing with Babelfish, and I decided to translate a few simple phrases into Japanese...because I think the characters look cool. Then, on a lark, I decided to translate those characters back into English. The result was comic gold. The idioms and syntax of different languages being what they are, when something is re-translated it comes out wildly absurd...and definitely tickles my funny bone. I'm sure other people have tried this as well, but I get the feeling I'm going to have a lot of fun with it. So, I decided to post a few literary gems...Lost in Translation.

First...Hamlet

Because of a certain or because it is not, that is question;
' Whether or not; In order the topping lift of a nobler tis inhuman good fortune and the arrow or the arm to take with the heart which suffers vis-a-vis the sea of trouble,
and finish those with in the opposite direction.
In order to die, in order to sleep; Above this;
And as for us as for that meat of mental agony and thousand natural impacts which finish with the sleep which is said the successor
- the ' So it is; From tis consummation heart wish' Because it is;
D. in order to die, in order to sleep; In order to sleep, in order to look at perchance dream.
Ay and there' For with the sleep of s friction and death whether perhaps,
any dream comes, when mixing from the coil where we do not escape this death separated,
we must give pause. There' s point that disaster of such long life is made,
someone for the sake of whether it withstands the rod,
time scorns, Th' oppressor' The wrongdoing of s, man' which you brag;
contumely of s and intense it is painful, law' of the love which is scorned;
It repulses the haughty attitude of the lag and the office of s,
th' The patient advantage; When perhaps, the acquisition which does not have value,
him him himself that quietus which is made using naked bodkin?
Someone the fardels [ku] [ma], and in order the sweat to groan under the life which becomes fatigued, but some fear thing after the death,
the unknown national traveler from bourn does not reset, is perplexed will,
and on the other hand there are no we whom it makes those sicknesses withstand which we have in us, you have known besides the fact that to, from growing?
Therefore conscience our all cowardly people are made,
and in this way, hue sicklied of original product of decision o' It is;
Being warped, it turns the flow obtaining - casting ones whose thought is thin and, and large pitch and with this point of enterprise of the time, and lose the name of behavior.

Next, Woody Allen's opening to Annie Hall

It's an old joke. Well, the Catskill Mountains two resources of the elderly women of [cough] and a 'Day of the "boy, this place, but says the food is really great, another one" Yeah I was aware that, say such a small part. " Well, that is how life feels in nature. The loneliness, misery and pain and misery and full, it is much too early on. Is, for me, the other important joke is usually the result of GURUCHOMARUKUSU. However, I originally Freud "appears to wit, I think it is related to the unconscious." And goes like this, and I paraphrase, uh: I, like my membership I would prefer not to belong to a club like that. That's a joke in terms of significant relationships with adult women in my life. Also, I know the hearts that have been strange recently - 'cause, I was 40. And I was in danger of life or something, I do not know, um, I'm going and I think aging is not worried. If one of the letters I, I, um, well, I'm on some hair loss. Probably the worst thing you can tell me thatÕs. I, um, I think it will be much better in my hands before, you know, and I think, hair loss, strong type, like you, and opposed to say Yeah, gray, for example, identify . You know 'I have two of both low. 'My deduction is the saliva of his mouth, dribbling a SA迷U crowd to the cafeteria and bring a shopping bag, screaming about socialism. Annie and I were disbanded. And I, if I can not get my mind around it now, I know in my heart, sifting of work to keep me, examine my life, here So, come to understand that the screw. You know, the one before us, in love, you know. And, and I was morose type I was not in my character is not depressed. I, I, I uh, you, I'm quite happy with as a child, I guess. I fed the first two in Brooklyn during World War ...

He seems even more neurotic this way, doesn't he?


And now, Poetry!

Robert Frost...

The two roads in a yellow wood, branches
Sorry I could not travel and
And a single traveler, I have long standing
I only saw up and down a single In bushes, bending it;

Then, just like this, it took another
Claims that, probably better
It is covered with grass, wear a hope;
As it is passed there
Is actually about the same, and wear them

Morning and put the same
The light is still a step in the black.
Oh, I marked the first for another day!
Get to know how to yet I need to come back if I have questions.

I sighed, and indicated that this Hence some age and age:
Two roads, wood, and I jump,
I travel a little is taken
It has all the difference.


"Yet I need to come back if I have questions." Don't we all.

Langston Hughes

Well, son, I tell me:
My life is not a crystal stair.
To do this,
I did have a tack And debris,
The board is torn
And the location of the carpet on the floor -- Bear.
However, all the time
I'se a climbin 'and,
And reachin 'landin,
And turnin 'corners,
And sometimes' is done in the dark
Here, in the light.
To turn against the boy is.
If not, set to step down '
If the cause is hard gently.
Do not fall now --
I'se done yet, honey,
I'se still climbin ',
Crystal Stairs is not my life.

Now, this next one should be very weird...Allan Ginsberg, "Howl" (first section...it'd be too long otherwise)

I was destroyed in the heart of the best of my generation
Madness, starving hysterical, naked
At dawn, dragged through the town black
To correct the outrage, see
Angelheaded hipsters burning for the ancient heavenly
The process is connected to the generator of the stars
Work at night,
Second Saturday of high poverty and tatters and hollow,
Smoking in the supernatural darkness
Cold-water flats floating to the top of the city,
Contemplative jazz

Whoa.



And finally, Song Lyrics!

"Sesame Street"

Sunny Day Sweepin 'distance of the cloud
The air here is sweet for me
Can you tell me how to get the
How Sesame Street is a
Come and play
All of A, [OK] to Neighbors are friendly
We are satisfied that the
Can you tell me how to get
How Sesame Street is a

This is a magic carpet ride
I opened the door to all
People like you are happy to --
People like happy people
How beautiful

Sunny Day
Sweepin 'distance of the cloud
The air here is sweet for me
Can you tell me how to get the
How Sesame Street is the ...
How Sesame Street is a
How to ...


Try to sing it...I dare you. Twisted.

Now, a Michael Jackson lyric. I had to... "Smooth Criminal"

To, as he came to the window
I heard that it reaches its climax
He came to her apartment
He left the bloodstains on the carpet
She is under the table Orchid
He was please she did not see
So the orchids in her bedroom
He strikes her down was her doom
Are you OK Annie?
To do this, okay Annie
The Annie OK Are you OK Annie?
To do this, okay Annie
The Annie OK Are you OK Annie?
To do so, Are you OK Annie?
You, Annie, are you okay?
Are you OK Annie?
To do this, okay Annie, you OK, Annie? (Are you OK Annie?)
It is good for you
(Can you tell me?) (The signs in the window)
(It is here that he struck out - Annie Crescendo)
In your apartment (he) (He left the bloodstains on the carpet)
(Later, in the room) Lan (Your down strikes) and (It) was your doom
Are you OK Annie?
To do so, Are you OK Annie?
Annie [OK] What are you?
Are you OK Annie?
To do so, Are you OK Annie?
Annie [OK] What are you?
Are you OK Annie?
To do so, Are you OK Annie?
Annie [OK] What are you?
You have suffered a You have been hit - V is a smooth criminal

Doc Broadway

So, did you ever see the movie Doc Hollywood with Michael J. Fox? If you haven't, basically, here's the rundown: Hotshot doctor Michael J. Fox has just finished his residency and travels across the country to start at a high-priced platic surgery practice. On the way, he runs over a white picket fence belonging to the judge in (if I remember correctly) Grady, South Carolina. To work off his fine, he his ordered to practice medicine in the local clinic. Hilarity and poignant "finding oneself" drama ensues.

Well, I seem to find myself in a similar situation as of late.

For those of you just tuning in, I recently started a directing gig in the small town of Sandersville, GA. Not including auditions (which I really don't, because I was only in town for a couple of hours each time), this is day three of the Sandersville Experience.

So, here I am. Doc Broadway. Charged with putting on Beauty and the Beast, which, for those playing the home game, is a pretty major production.

Now, before starting my short stay in Sandersville, I thought I knew what a small town was. After all, I grew up in Conyers, and we were pretty sure that we were living in a small southern town.

And we were wrong.

Yesterday, I walked through pretty much all of Sandersville. I actually have to walk further to get where I need to go in Athens...that is, when I'm not driving. A census estimate has Sandersville's population hovering around 6,000 (according to epodunk.com...no, I'm not making that site up), and it seems, a vast portion of that population has been alerted to the presence of a director in the area.

So, this young musician/actor/director from Conyers, Rome, and Athens GA is being hailed as a "big city" fellow.

Whoa...

We've had two rehearsals so far (a read-through, and a first sing of a couple of the chorus numbers), and it's looking very promising. I'm going to have to fasten my "patient Ben" hat pretty securely, but I can tell already that we're going to have an exciting show on our hands.

But first, I'm going to have to figure out just how I'm going to do the small town thing. More on this to come as I have a few more experiences, but here are a few to tide you over til' then:

• I'm living in a house built in 1897. I'm afraid to touch anything for fear of destroying it. For those of you who know me well..."accident prone" doesn't even begin to cover it.
• I've heard the name "Sherman" spoken through gritted teeth several times since I've been here.
• I've heard the expression "Oh, my stars!" more times in the past 48 hours than I have in my entire life.
• I was at the Waffle House the other night (only thing open after rehearsals...the whole world seems to shut down), and another patron couldn't eat his bacon...so he gave it to me.
• I've set up office hours in the only coffee house in the area. Mercifully, they have wireless internet so I can keep up with the world. On my second day showing up here, I was greeted as a regular.
• Yesterday, I had to buy a 3-to-2 prong plug adapter. There are no 3 prong outlets in this house. Oh, and the adapter cost 75 cents. In Athens, a diet Dr. Pepper costs $1.39.
• Everybody says hello. I'm called "Sir" by everyone I talk to, and whenever I hear the name "Mr. Dawkins," I'm looking around for my Dad.

It's a different kind of life I'm living right now. But, I'll be back in Athens on the weekends...getting my fill of air conditioning and businesses open past 9.

But don't worry...I have a little case for DVDs. I'll keep myself entertained.

TUNE OF THE DAY:

John Denver - Thank God I'm A Country Boy

Mercy...I am so not a country boy. Perhaps I should learn a little more how to be one if I'm going to get along fine here. But, let me tell you, you haven't lived til' you've heard colloquial French spoken with a major southern drawl. "Bahn--Jer!"

GRADBlog

I'm finished. It's done. Complete. Over. Fin. The Master's degree is finally nicely wrapped up, and yet another chapter of my educational life (well, life in general) is now done.

Ben Dawkins, Master of Music. It sounds like a bit too much, doesn't it? Bachelor of Arts makes sense. Even Doctor of Musical Arts has a certain "real world" ring to it. But, Master of Music? That's what it's going to say on my degree. What it should say is, "This is to certify that Benjamin C. Dawkins now knows significantly more about music than he used to." Or, perhaps more in a more honest appendage to this statement, "Moreover, he realizes how many aspects of music he has absolutely no clue about." Because that last little bit is definitely true--in the past three years, not counting lessons and ensembles (which are a different layer of complex education in and of themselves), I've taken 14 pretty serious classes on music in the last 3 years. It may not seem like a lot, but it definitely is.

It's funny to think about how little I knew about music when I arrived at the university. I'd taken one baby theory course, zero lit, zero history. My musical training consisted of years of ensembles, choruses, and musicals. I didn't know diddly squat about opera, but by the end of the first year, I had so many opera recordings and spent so many hours reading, listening, and watching that I was in a different planet. Becoming a real Classical musician was an awe-inspiring, pride-swallowing, mind-numbing, hyphenated descriptor-requiring experience. Those classes changed the way I listened to music. An interesting aspect of my grad student life as opposed to some of the other music students I spent hours in classes with, I heard very often, "We're studying music in such painstaking detail that when I go home, I can't stand to put any music on anymore." Meanwhile, I had the opposite experience. I was listening to music hours on hours of every day. Absolute immersion. After all, music is one of the most pervasive factors in our culture, but one thing we don't acknowledge often about music is that it is a foreign language, in almost every way. Now, I hear function, non-harmonic tones, form, derivation. It really is a different world.

It wasn't just the music in my life that changed. I learned quite a few things about myself these past 3 years. Here goes:

• I've learned that I can live reasonably happily in a living room crammed full of gear for upwards of four months. When people heard that I was living this way my first semester in Athens, they thought the world had come to an end...creature of comfort that I am.
• I've learned that I don't need a heated home. I definitely prefer one...but I don't need it. For that first year-and-a-half in Athens...no heat.
• I've learned that I am the worst "do-nothing" vacation person ever. I have to have something to do. When I don't have 6 projects to complete at once, life seems to move at a crawl. It never did that before.
• Another music one: I've learned that I can enjoy some weird music. Now, I don't necessarily mean the crazy 20th century atonal stuff (although I am learning to appreciate it)...I'm talking weird electronic, noise music (I'm not being facetious--it actually is referred to as noise), and in the last year, I've even taken part in some of this crazy music making.
• I've learned that being a performer is 1 part performance, 9 parts wait in a room for hours playing cards until its time to go into a big ballroom and perform.
• I've learned that it is very difficult keeping in touch with people while working on an advanced degree. It feels sometimes that a vast percentage of college was spent just hanging out, basically living with the people you had bonded with. I live in Athens only a few miles away from some of those people I spent countless hours with...I see them only a few times a year. It's sad, and it's definitely my fault.
• I've learned that most everybody gets married in their mid-twenties. I've been to so many weddings in the past 5 years that I can't even figure it. It's even crazier now that I'm singing at a lot of weddings...The older I get, the fewer single men there are to catch the damn garter. Although it seems that the melee surrounding the catching of the bouquet just gets more and more violent. I've caught (completely against my will) 5 garters. Five. One just sort of landed on me. One I actually caught. With the other 3, I was simply the closest single man to the garter when it hit the floor, followed by a sharp whisper, "Dude, for the love of God, help me out here. Pick it up."
• I've learned that the purchase of homes and the having of babies marks a huge psychological step into "adult demeanor." I'm not saying that some of these people are any less the goofy kids I knew...but I hear them talking about things like insurance, mortgages, the frequency and color of baby poop. Things definitely change.
• I've learned that after living in Rome and going to Berry...The UGA and Athens experience was a massive culture-shock. I had never lived in a world where the entire town shut down for a football game. I had also never had beer spilled on me in public. This happens reasonably frequently now. Even in the Applebees. I had also never suspected that a vehicle in my line of sight was being operated by a drunk driver. Now, I can be pretty sure. I also never saw anyone actually get arrested in real time. Now, I see it just about every time I'm downtown.
• In Rome, if I was at a party, it's likely I knew almost everybody. In Athens, I know almost no one.
• In Athens, I learned that even with a "Walk" crosswalk light...you cross the street at risk of life and limb.
• In Rome, parking was the easiest thing on the planet. In Athens, parking is a nightmare even in the summer.
• I've learned that when you're pursuing an advanced degree, you don't get the "What are you going to do with that?" question that you'd get in undergrad.

And there are many, many more. It's funny to look back over a significant period of my life and see how much has changed. It is 5 years since I finished college, 8 since high school. I've started getting the "Wow, you're getting old" comments at birthdays, and I no longer ignore commercials that offer savings on car insurance. It's definitely funny.

And now, on to the next chapter. Doctorate. This one will be pretty wild; I can already tell.

And of course, I'll be here to tell you all about it.

TUNE OF THE DAY:

Vitamin C- Graduation Song

I decided to post a link to the most horrendous graduation song I could possibly find. The first time I heard this song, tears welled up in my eyes from laughing at how ridiculous it is. And later on, music theory made me laugh at it harder when I realized (also thanks to Rob Paravonian) that they relied on the falling fifths progression for this one.

REAL TUNE OF THE DAY:

Rachmaninoff had big hands

You didn't think I was actually going to leave you with Vitamin C, did you? Well, here is something to scratch the "That's Awesome!" itch you might be feeling. A little demonstration of how someone with smaller hands might play those massive Rachmaninoff chords.

Movie Blog!

In a world where Prime Time television was king, one man must fight to survive...


So, it was going to happen eventually, and I'm pretty sure its going to happen fairly often around here...It's MovieBlog! So, here's the deal: I am a moderate collector of DVDs--


*cough, cough*


Alright, Greer, I know. I am a pretty big collector of DVDs--


*loud throat clearing, perhaps masking the word "bullshit"*


Ok, fine! I'll admit it...I am addicted to collecting DVDs. I have a problem. I cannot quit anytime I want. And I will not be going to meetings because it feels too good and I have not yet hit rock bottom. And I won't hit rock bottom, because I'm impervious to the pitfalls of having too many DVDs.

Here are the pitfalls:

1. Space: After about 200 DVDs, finding a place to put them becomes a bit of a hassle. I used to use tall DVD racks, which took a large portion of my living room wall in Rome. Now I use large media books. Lots of them.

2. What to watch? This problem may be unique to the massive DVD collections, and my friends who remember the days the DVDs were actually out in the open on display will remember this...There are so many movies that you can't figure out what to watch! You see something you'd like, but you're ambivalent about it because you think if you look long enough, something will jump out of you that needs watching.

3. Borrowing and lending: This has gotten way easier. Before, it was difficult to keep up with who had what, but not to worry! From my business class days in undergrad, I have learned to use Microsoft Access to create a DVD database! It has everything, and I also have set up a box to click if a DVD is "checked out" and who has it. This also helps with #2 because now I can browse on my computer screen without having to actually go through pages upon pages of movies. That's right, I made a database for my movies. I'm a total nerd. Notice I didn't say a geek because I can't fix anything technical that breaks down, but I can still enjoy the many benefits.


Anywho, there's the background. So, amidst talk of music and various things that interest me, I think I'm also going to post entries every now and then that highlight a movie I've watched lately. Oh, and as a sidebar--I don't really watch TV. If there's an interesting TV show that I catch at some point, I'll just get it on DVD. Why should I have to make sure that I'm at the same place at 9 o'clock on thursdays, week after week? I'm a rebel. An outlaw. And I watch when I want.


So, *Dah, Ta-DA!* Time for MOVIEBLOG!


This weeks movie:


Groundhog Day! That's right--I love this movie. Instead of being another romantic comedy--it's also this crazy existential trip through a weird time loophole that has an angry, acerbic Phil Connors living the same day over and over...for eons and eons.

I think the "eons and eons" aspect is what people may miss only seeing this movie once. There's this implied sense that Phil has been in this time warp for thousands of years. It doesn't really come out and say it in the script, but you can see these really incredible changes in the way he deals with the things around him. The same people, the same weather, the same events...forever.

An interesting fact: Originally, the script opens right smack in the middle of the curse, with Phil somehow knowing exactly what's going to happen all day long. Then. the films flashes back to February 1, the day before the curse. I guess the filmmakers thought that would be a little too avant garde for a general release romantic comedy, so they keep it pretty sequential.

I'm not going to spoil it--all I have to say to you, dear reader, is go rent it. It's an extremely funny movie that imparts a worthwhile message about happiness, making the most of time, and respect for holidays in which rodents predict the weather. I know I learned my lesson.

Which brings us to:

TUNE(s) OF THE WEEK!!!!

This week, I'm going to post links to 2 pieces of music prominently featured in Groundhog Day.

the first:

Rhapsody on a theme by Paganini, 18th variation
Rachmaninoff

This is a piece you've undoubtedly heard at least snippets of before. It's become a bit of a classical background cliché, which is too bad because it really is a haunting melody. If you feel like a real treat, hunker down and listen to the whole Rhapsody (It's available for listening on YouTube). Rach's writing for piano and orchestra is insane and definitely worth your time to check out.

and the second:

Ray Charles - You Don't Know Me

Also featured in Groundhog Day, Ray Charles' hit accents Phil's plaintive attempts at love. I think this is a tremendous song, and Ray's soulful voice sends it straight home unlike many of the covers of this tune. There's a feeling of "just get to know me, and you'll see."

Enjoy, friends. Until next time!

Truth in Advertising [or, Truth? In Advertising?]

So, those of you who know me well will probably attest to my occasional bursts of observational humor. I only say occassional because these events are punctuated by much more frequent attacks of accident prone, absurdist, "punny" (or "Hey you, look how clever I am!"), and generally awkward humor. Recently, a few friends commented on the very Seinfeld nature of my daily life. And, you know, they're probably right. So, from time to time (probably more often in the blog medium), I'll write a little something on the things I notice, and if I'm lucky, you'll have a little chuckle and maybe laugh when you see these things yourself.

First of all...butter commercials. Tell me, what normal human being attempts to put a perfect, artistic spread of butter right smack in the middle of a piece of toast? Let's face it--after the "easy preparation" in our toasters, most renderings of this breakfast staple look like this:

So, let's just be honest: if you're actually going to attempt to eat this lump of carbon that you have prepared for the MOST IMPORTANT MEAL OF THE DAY, then you're going to try and get butter from CRUST TO CRUST so that you're less likely to feel that you're eating wood directly from the fireplace. Unfortunately, the person before you (admit it...you) weren't exactly fastidious the last time you spread butter on toast, so now you've got little bits of charred bread in your butter bucket.

Not to worry--There is a solution! Did you ever wonder when you were going to get to use all of those elementary school craft skills out in the "real" world? I know I have! Since nothing I say will possibly be funnier than actually showing you, here's what some genius decided to patent:

That's right, kids....Butter! Stick type! (I'll give this a moment to sink in before we move on...)

So now, we move along from food to beverage. Riddle me this: When was the last time you were swayed by one of Coke or Pepsi's ad campaigns? Now, I live in GA, which is by and large a Coca-Cola state. But, I'll be completely honest...I've never gotten surly with the server at TJ Wherever's when she asked, "Is Pepsi okay?" Of course! Pepsi is fine! It's PRACTICALLY THE SAME THING! Now, I know that some purists are going to get after me saying, "I can tell the difference." Well, I guess on some level, I can too. I guess. But here's the question: Is this miniscule difference enough basis to form a preference? It isn't for me, and I'm very serious about my enjoyment of food and drink. My personal favorites are when the companies subject average people to a BLIND TASTE TEST. Well, I have heard both companies spout the same statistic based on the BLIND TASTE TEST, and here's my guess as to the inner monologue during a BLIND TASTE TEST:

"Oh no...they picked me! I just wanted to buy some fruit. Well, they're giving me ten dollars, which will be really useful when the mortgage payment is due. Okay, sip one. Well, this is definitely like every sip of a soft drink I've ever had. Here comes sip two...It's the same thing...What do I do? Everyone's watching me and this smiling freak is hovering like that kid who's always behind me at the copier...What do I do? What do I do?!?!?"

"Um...that one."

"You got it, folks, another Pepsi lover!"

Which brings us back to the first tenet of Statistics I learned in my AP class senior year...Statistics are not facts. As Disraeli so eloquently stated, "There are three kinds of lies: lies, damned lies, and statistics."

Okay, so I spent longer on toast and soft drinks than I expected. I always do. So, in the interest of saving time, here are a few in a more rapid fire style:

SuperCuts: Not quite true. Have you ever once gotten a haircut at SuperCuts (or GreatClips) for that matter that you weren't at least a little skeptical of? But, let's face facts, there is not a literate person in the world who would voluntarily go to MediocreCuts: Where the words "Just take a little off the top" generates the most random result you can EVER count on.

McDonald's...I'm lovin' it? Are you really? Why not You're out of anything resembling food and nothing else is open at 2:30. McDonald's, Your Last Resort.

While we're at it...Taco Bell..."Fourthmeal?" The company is basically saying, "Hey Fatty, I know you need something to eat at 1am, so we've come up with another meal so you can justify it!"

XBox Live..."It's Fun to Play Together." Yes, but together over the XBox? Why not in the real world with the Three Dimensional People.

Carlsberg, "Probably the Best Lager in the World." Really? Probably? Based on what exactly?

Verizon Wireless, "Can you hear me now? Good!" You see, what you can't hear in the commercial is the guy on the other line yelling..."What!?! ...I...n't....ea...ou. Damn phone." *click*

Cadbury's Fruit and Nut, "Are you a Cadbury's Fruit and Nut case?" I'll just let that sink in for a minute.

M&Ms..."Melts in your mouth, not in your hands." Anyone who's ever held an M&M for more than a few seconds will shout, "LIAR!"

Cremo Cigars, "There's no spit in Cremo!" Congratulations.

As a shout-out to my alma mater, Berry College, A Foundation for Life. Yes true, but wasn't it built on a series of sinkholes?

To end my talk on advertising, I'll leave you with this image:

Isn't that Babe Ruth? Trying to encourage Jimmy to eat a healthy breakfast??? Correct me if I'm wrong, but didn't Babe Ruth's breakfast usually consist of 3 cigars and a bottle of gin?

Ok, that's enough of that.

Since I enjoyed it so much last time, here's a segment that I'll try to include in my posts:

TUNE OF THE DAY (FANFARE)

Apocalyptica - In the Hall of the Mountain King (Edvard Grieg)

Punk Rock meets Romanticism. Just imagine if the audience at Symphony Hall started clapping in time with the string section...Oh, the carnage! I'm pretty sure no one plays the cello with the kind of swagger the dude with the soul patch and shaved chest does.

Sad Songs

So, I've been on a sad song kick recently.

No, I'm not depressed. No, I don't need a double-dose of sunshine. I suppose I've just been enjoying the sweet melancholy of sad songs more than usual lately.

For one thing, they're often an opportunity for the singer to do some serious singing...especially if it's a subject that he (I'm using the masculine arbitrarily to avoid the stupid he/she construction. I'll use she next time, I promise...please put the stiletto away.) is particularly close to. So, for fun, I'll give some examples of sad songs I've been listening to lately.

John Prine - All The Best

Ahhh, John Prine. In the summer of 2000, I went to my first two live, non-Classical concerts. One was John Prine's. Wow. I have been a die-hard fan ever since, and this particular song illustrates why he's one of my favorite singer/songwriters ever. Here's the background (if you want to hear John tell you about it himself, listen to the album A John Prine Christmas): Awhile back, John got a divorce for Christmas (no, I'm not evil...that's how he described it.) So, since he didn't really know what to do for the holidays, he bought an electric train. Then he and his buddy nailed it to the kitchen table...just because they could. Down the road a ways, he wrote this song. To me, it illustrates the sweeter side of losing in love. Yes, there's hurt in there (and a good bit, too), but mostly it's in good humor. I hope I can be this cool when someone hurts me.

Dave Mason - We Just Disagree

You probably know this one; it's a classic. Probably one of the better break-up songs out there. Although really, it doesn't necessarily have to be a break-up. Perhaps lost friendship. To me, that probably hurts longer and deeper. Give it a listen--it's a short tune, and for a ballad, it has a pretty serious groove to it.

Harry Chapin - Mr. Tanner

Let's just be honest...this song scares the Hell outta me. It's one of my favorites from when I was very young (my parents are life-long Chapin fans and now, so am I), and it didn't really get me anxious until I got older and started performing regularly. Listen to this; you'll quickly see why. Listen for the line from the NYC critic...It's the most brutal paragraph I'm aware referring to a performance. True, others are just viciously evil, but this one politely destroys the characters dreams. I hope that I'll be more resilient when some jerk who couldn't do it himself trashes my work.

The Weepies - Nobody Knows Me at All

I was happily exposed to the Weepies last week. I really like their stuff; it feels like the "now" equivalent of the singer/songwriters of the 60s/70s. This song is beautiful, and I think we can all identify with it. Do you ever feel like nobody knows you? I know I do. Not always, but I think sometimes there is a natural sense of isolation. We can't get behind someone else's eyeballs and experience what they experience. Otherwise, I think we'd worry less about this.

And the last one, for now:

Herman's Hermits - 'Enry the 8th, I am

This is probably the saddest song on the list: A portrait of a man who just wants to affirm who he is. Love's a problem too as he must learn to satisfy a woman who had 7 previous husbands. This song also has a populist bent to it: Our hero reminisces of a time when everyone was an 'Enery. I miss those days too, Your Highness.


Well, that's it for me...until next time!

New Bloginnings

I'm not nearly hip enough to be blogging.

That's right, I said it!

Here's the thing: I had an embarassingly melodramatic Online Journal about 5 years ago, long before it was cool. And believe you me, it was not cool back then. Now it is cool. Very, very cool. Supercool. Paul Newman cool. Bruce Springsteen cool. Jack Nicholson cool. And not necessarily in that order, either.

So, now it is coming to pass, as it has with almost every major social networking megafad that has gripped our consciousness in the last 3 years or so, I'm going to blog again. It will give me a new platform for wiseass comments (as if I needed one of those...lately, it's been the Facebook status update.), and to be honest, I've missed writing regularly about the various things on my mind. So, here I am. It would be a real accomplishment if this one keeps going. We'll see, friends and neighbors! But, don't even bother asking, I'm not getting on Twitter. Twitter scares me.

So, here's another observation: Nowadays, blogs have themes! So, as my work and my major interests would suggest, Music and Musings seems like an appropriate title, although I'll change it in a second if, in the middle of the night, I am struck by something awe-inspring, like Wrathfully Raging Liberal. I don't think I fall into that particular category..besides, Lori writes that kind of stuff way better than I do, so I doubt I'll be going to town on political issues in this blog. Instead, I'm going to be talking about my favorite thing: Music! I'm going to try and include a little bit of everything. But, because I'm a classical musician (cue pretentious music), I'll probably be talking about that a good bit. Also, because I'm know to go off on the occasional (read, crazily regular) existential musings about things I find funny, confusing, or all of the above...The title will give me license to write about all the odds and ends I enjoy so much.

So...Here goes--Intro over...let's have some fun!