Much Maligned Movie Mega Review: The Postman

(Acknowledgements: Here's a little shout-out to Greg Smith, whose Mighty Mini Movie Reviews gave me the idea to take aim at an epic treatment of one of my favorites. I've linked to his blog, Shrink Rapping on the left side of your screen. Go visit him!)

In the year of our Lord 1997, a terrible cinematic travesty was perpetrated…In that blockbuster summer, one of the most terrible trailers of all time was played before every major release. The trailer presented a film that seemed to be an homage to the bravery of postal carriers. Only in passing was the actual point of the movie presented in its trailer. In fact, it was as if only the cheesiest of this movies lines were presented in its trailer. The only way this film could have been presented as less interesting to the American public would have been if the trailer had expounded on the rugged bravery of dental technicians and the value of clean teeth as a stand against tyranny. The Hygienist.

The result: No one came. Total box office: 17 Million. Production Budget: 80 Million. Conclusion: OUCH

Before returning to The Postman, let me first take a moment to expound on the importance of trailers. From 45 second teasers to 3 minute miniature stories, the trailer HAS to bring you in. Nowadays, most movies cost far too much to risk driving people away. In fact, a mediocre to bad movie can have box office success thanks to a solid trailer. Remember Unbreakable? Easily one of the most incredible trailers that I have seen. In fact, M. Night Shyamalan is a trailer artist—and in this case, the movie he made was not so great. Of course, following The Sixth Sense, he was really going to have to make a statement. Instead, he fell into the infamous sophomore slump, and since we still go see his movies, has obviously overcome his grief. Another great trailer, Cloverfield. This was simplicity itself. I didn’t like the movie much…but I went. Finally, to bring the story up to date, the best trailer I’ve seen so far was for District 9. Youtube it…absolutely fantastic. Of course, I went. Now, some people didn’t like this movie, but I absolutely loved it. And if it weren’t for the trailer, I might never have seen it. The fact of the matter is, I’m a home theatre viewer. I love my movie collection. In fact, it is a rare occurrence that I actually go to the theatres. Why? Because I’ve become a bit of a bargain shopper when it comes to DVDs…nowadays you need a financial aid application to go to the movie theatre. Why not wait 4 months for the DVD to come out and enjoy it in my own home rather than risk sitting behind TALL GUY (again), trying to look around his girlfriend’s gigantic feathered hair so I can see what Optimus Prime is doing.

Okay…first rant over, back to The Postman:

In the not-so-distant year 2013, America has been destroyed by war, plague, and tyranny. What was one the United States has now been replaced by a feudal state of individual towns ravaged by a marauding army known as the Holnists.

We are introduced to a drifter (Costner), who avoids contact with civilization except to perform Shakespeare for food. Enter the Holnist army, led by Gen. Bethlehem (Will Patton), who order that 3 conscripts of “suitable ethnic foundation” be presented to join the army. The drifter is forced to join, and is introduced first-hand to the fascist system of the Holnist army.
Following a sequence showing the indoctrination of the new conscripts, the drifter escapes the Holnists. Starved, cold, and desperate, he finds shelter in an abandoned postal truck. Reading through the dead postman’s mail, he gets the idea to dress up as a postman as a way to hustle food.

When he arrives at the town of Pineview, Oregon, the Postman’s scheme yields unexpected fruit: Hope. The belief that there is still a United States and that the people they love are still alive, the citizens of Pineview stand up to Bethlehem, with disastrous results which wound the Postman and he is cared for by his love interest Abby (Olivia Williams), who sought the Postman as a “surrogate” for her husband, who illness made impotent. Their escape and the Postman’s healing time carries them through the winter.

By the time they return, everything has changed in Oregon. The Postman’s overzealous convert Ford Lincoln Mercury (Larenz Tate), has built the “Postal Service of the Restored United States” into a paramilitary organization who delivers the mail and defies the Holnists. With the Postman returned, Bethlehem declares war. The Postman must now rally the individual towns under one banner to fight for the most basic ideals of freedom in a time that has forgotten them.
Interesting, yes?

Well, I’ve left quite a bit out so that you can make plenty of judgments for yourself, but here’s my take on The Postman:

Given, this movie is at times, quite cheesy. But, let’s face it, American public, our whole entertainment industry is build on a massive block of cheese. I think it’s altogether possible that the American public has gotten a little too jaded for its own good.

First of all, after Waterworld, cinema critics were out for Kevin Costner’s blood. He could’ve made Citizen Kane and they would’ve given it the treatment pigeons give to statues. I’ll admit, his cinematic offerings are more than a little bit egotistical. But, once again, we’re living in a culture that celebrates egotism. Perhaps Mr. Costner was a little more up front about it than most. The reluctant hero story is not a new one, and in reality, this isn’t a particularly new way to tell this story.

The bottom line is this, America. The Postman is an entertaining evening at the movies. Yes, it’s 3 hours long. Yes, it’s a little pedantic at times, but it’s a worthwhile story with worthwhile sentiments… especially since we seem to be having major problems finding common ground as Americans these days.

A post-apocalyptic story is a difficult one to tell, and this one is fairly successful. Yes, 2013 is right around the corner, and we haven’t had the major war that this story forecasts. Let’s face it, I was 2 years old in 1984, and the fabric of freedom didn’t rip to shreds then, either. No, it’s not particularly believable, but since when have we become so jaded that we couldn’t enjoy a fun story.

Beyond the epic scope and the even-more epic historic failing of this movie, The Postman gives us many charming moments that are worth mentioning. The subtle hints that even the Holnists are tired of all the fighting…so tired, in fact, that the only entertainment they want in their camp is to watch an old reel of The Sound of Music over and over again. Kevin Costner gives us the hero portrayal we came to expect from him in Dances with Wolves, Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves, and Waterworld. It may be cliché, but it’s a solid job. Will Patton’s performance as the histrionic despot Bethlehem is laudable as well. Larenz Tate turns in a stand-out performance as an actor that unfortunately hasn’t been given his due at this point.

So, what’s the point? This is NOT the worst movie ever made, as it has been called. It’s not that bad at all. In fact, it’s quite entertaining. I’m one of the few who saw this movie in the theatre…I enjoyed it then, and I enjoy it now. It has been in my massive DVD collection for about 5 years, and I’ve watched it several times and shown it to several friends who all enjoyed it themselves. And although this review is in many ways incomplete...I'm just going to say this. Watch it, and make up your own mind. It may not be your cup of tea, but at least you'll be plugged into the process, unlike the millions of viewers who were swayed by a dozen film critics and without having seen this movie call it "the worst ever made."

The point is this…there’s nothing wrong with cheese. Once hope is drained from our cinema, it won’t be worth a penny, much less the millions of dollars it seems are “necessary” to make movies these days. We are surrounded by torture movies and remakes of movies that didn’t need to be remade at all. I know I'm not the only one who is frustrated by this.

I love the movies, dear readers. And I don’t think movies have to make some sweeping social change to be memorable. Besides...haven't you ever watched a bad movie simply because it's failings were entertaining in and of themselves? All I’m asking is: Entertain Me! Tell me a story; take me out of the world for a while. And while I’m waiting for new movies to meet this challenge, I’ll watch the many, many movies that already have. And critics aren’t going to tell me what to watch and what is good.

I can think for myself, and so can anyone else who is willing.

Cheers and enjoy, friends. Let’s go to the movies.