That's right, kids...it's a Crime Drama!

So, if you're going to watch TV these days and actually see programming that isn't a silly reality show playing out some ridiculous concept, you're going to be picking and choosing from a lot of crime and medical dramas.

Now, don't get me wrong, I love a good crime or medical drama. The reason they're so popular is because drama is built naturally into the situation. Life, death, freedom, serial murderers...this is why it's all you hear on the news. Unfortunately in today's society, humanitarian efforts and the ordinary but commendable achievements of normal citizens aren't considered particularly newsworthy.

Which brings me to a few issues with the crime drama:

First of all, the flagging marriage. I know it's a tough job (and marital problems are also drama-making), but wouldn't it be TEN TIMES HARDER to have a well-adjusted, happily married detective who is actually succeeding at making it all work. Wouldn't it make his detective work a little harder and perhaps create some tension at the workplace if the hero wasn't willing to just drop anything and everything and ignore everyone he cares for to solve a case?

Here's another: cops hanging out at a diner, getting the call, and rushing out to their cars. I'm sure this is a little slice of real life, but it's been cliché since Chips. I mean, really! I think the directors for that show wanted at least one shot in every episode where a motorcycle is driven quickly out of a gravel parking lot sending dust and rocks everywhere.

This one has become really common thanks to CSI and it's children. The Morgue. There are two things about the morgue I'd like to comment on. First, newbie in the morgue. This can play out one of two ways. First, he gets sick. Yes, we know that this happens. It isn't particularly interesting, and if you're going to waste 18 minutes of my television hour with commercials, let's just assume I know that sometimes, people get sick when they're first exposed to autopsies. Second, it seems that the coroner in a lot of these dramas has been plucked right out of James Bond. He stands there smugly and unravels THE ENTIRE PLOT! This always makes me laugh because I'm expecting the body to escape from the sharks with the laser beams on their foreheads and foil the evil coroner's plan of world domination. Another similar issue: cops and doctors. It goes one of two ways...in medical dramas, cops give just enough information to develop the plot and then keep out of the way. In police dramas, it's basically the opposite. I know a few cops, and they have some pretty strong opinions about the physical state of some of the victims...they seem to be prone to argument to me! And the paramedics and EMTs I know have told me many stories where they have gotten into it with police officers at crime scenes. More drama? Perhaps, but we don't see it developed all that much.

Good Cop, Bad Cop...Is there anyone who doesn't understand this? Good! Then let's have something different in the interrogation room. How about two good cops? That would be more difficult to pull off. Suspect tries to manipulate two good cops but because they are also good cops as well as being "non macho jackasses," they use psychology to get the information they need. There's some of this going on in The Mentalist, which, by the by, is an interesting new crime drama. Monk works better for me in the "ridiculously observant" department, but having a protagonist who used to pretend to be a psychic isn't half-bad. Another take on this issue: How about bad cop/bad cop? This has to happen...probably more often than we'd like to think. There's some of this stuff going on in movies, but it's gone out of the forefront a bit. Why not bring it back? It gives us the opportunity to show out hero's moral fortitude when he yells at the bad/bad team who just beat a confession out of some lowlife that "This is not the way we do things!"

And now, lawyers. I'm sure there have to be criminal defense lawyers who aren't slick-haired evil faced shysters. There HAVE TO BE! I roll my eyes every time I see the suave defense lawyer spouting the same script every time "My client has no comment...blah, blah, blah...you shouldn't have talked to my client without me present...blah, blah, blah." Why not a lawyer on a cop drama who is an advocate for his client? Like he's supposed to be! I understand that we only really see the chase and the collar in most crime dramas, except L&O.

Speaking of chases...car chases. These are especially overplayed in crime drama movies, but I know there has to be a more interesting way to do this. They're driving fast...I get it. Innocent people could get hurt...I get it.

And finally, my favorite crime drama cliché...When the plot starts to suck, send in somebody with a gun. The shootout is just as overplayed as the car chase, and the main reason, I think, is that we are very rarely personally invested in all of the people involved in the shootout. With the proliferation of special PI and CSI types as the main characters, the actual action of police work is left to subordinate characters who in all honesty, we really don't know that well. So, we end up with another shoot out...perhaps one of the good guys gets shot...in the shoulder. And finally, the baddies either get shot in the chest or tackled in some way by the protagonist (who's not supposed to get involved in the shootout, btw...due to being completely underqualified and typically...NOT ALLOWED TO) and ends up being taken away with no more than a few scrapes.


But of course, it's important to remember...there are only so many ways to tell a story, so it becomes VERY VERY difficult to avoid situations like these. But, perhaps, since there are teams of writers involved in the production of these programs...they should try a lot harder. Once the general public gets tired of medical and cop dramas...then reality shows will continue to encroach. That nonsense has to stop. I don't care who ends up with the Bachelor. I don't care if Debbie decides to eat the really big bug. Give us more exciting, well-written TV. We have to have something better to talk about around the water cooler than the lastest Idol cut.


TUNE OF THE DAY:

Rockapella - Where in the World is Carmen San Diego?

Monday through Friday at 5...I was introduced to the fun of the mystery by Carmen San Diego. I was always pulling for those kids. They never seemed to be able to find Tanzania on that big map of Africa, though. Watch your back--any super criminal who "stole the beans from Lima" has to be followed closely.